We have all heard people say, "I felt kinda down in the dumps once, but then I just pulled myself up by my bootstraps and went on with my life".
Honestly, I can't think of one authentic, scientific illness that can be "bootstrapped". Meaning, I know of no measurable sickness that can be simply escaped by the sheer will of not wanting to be sick.
PPD is a measurable, scientific, authentic illness, as sure as cancer, diabetes, heart disease, parkinsons, etc... It is NOT simply being "down in the dumps". It is an illness that was brought on at a specific point in time, during a specific physical event, has specific treatment protocol, and a specific end.
Right now. Right this moment. I want you to take all of the guilt you may be feeling or doubt that's been tumbling around in your head since you heard someone say these ignorant words to you about choosing to cheer up, or pulling yourself up, or deciding to be happy, blah blah blah...(the list is eternal) And, now, I want you to visualize yourself holding all that junk in your fist. Now chuck it! As hard as you can, as far away from yourself as you can. It's not yours to deal with anymore. It's someone elses' messy ignorance. Let them have it back.
Now, visualize yourself on a hospital bed, wearing a hospital gown. Maybe spooning up some yummy orange jello. (yummo). Do you have it pictured? OK. This is what you really are right now. Even though you put on your same old clothes. You drive around in your same car. You are trying to look the same and sound the same and act the same. But inside you know, YOU ARE NOT YOUR SAME SELF RIGHT NOW. Who you are right now, is a woman that is sick with a devastatingly difficult illness. One that could kill you as easily as cancer could if it goes untreated. Right now, you are a patient in need of attention, care and treatment.
The reason it's important to see yourself this way right now is because you will automatically shift from shaming yourself with a heavy load of guilt and condemnation, to seeing yourself with compassion and empathy. You would never refuse help to a cancer patient laid up in the hospital if they were calling for you as you wandered by. So now, see yourself as that patient. Reach out for help. Don't hide behind the guilt some ignorant people have heaped on you.
Have compassion on yourself and understand that this is an medical illness that is treatable. Recovery is there with the right help. Recovery is not ever going to be found at the "bootstrap" level with this one. Find help and be OK with receiving it.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Grasping at Straws
When PPD or Depression hits, it hits hard and knocks the wind right out of you. Initially, you're so bowled over by the loss of your, well, everything, that it takes you a little while to understand what is actually going on. Then it's off to try to find help and resources to see how to climb out of this hole you just fell into. (The single act of trying to find help can take months in and of itself.) And if you've ever tried to find the one working flashlight in your kitchen junk drawer during a moonless mid-night power outtage - you KNOW what it feels like to try to find help when you're struggling with PPD or Depression. You have no plumb-line. NO bearings whatsoever.
Here are a few things I found helpful when I was looking for help. (And, yup, you guessed it, learned these the hard way!)
1. Do: Go see your OB/GYN or Family Practice Doctor and get checked out.
2. I can not say this enough: GET YOUR BLOOD DRAWN. No matter what anyone tells you they THINK it is... REQUEST A BLOOD TEST! Depressive symptoms can stem from many different systems in your body. They can be rooted in the pituitary, the adrenal glands, the thyroid, it can be a big hormone drop (which can even be an ovarian problem). The point is, the problem is not always rooted in seritonin production levels. A comprehensive blood test can go a long way in finding the right treatment in a more timely fashion. (now remember I am speaking this to you as your girlfriend, not your professional. They did the time, they know best!)
3. You are going to be grasping at straws trying to find someone, anyone, who understands what you are going through. And sometimes, like me, you may find yourself trying to match up your story exactly to someone elses', or being scared to death by someone else's story. While there are tons of great books out there to help you learn and cope with PPD, the best thing you can do for yourself is to read God's word. Pour through the Psalms, Isaiah, Job, Jeremiah, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John. All of it is useful and true and good. Find your hope there. It's waiting for you.
5. Exercise. Walk. Swim. Stretch. Pilates. Gentle, exercise that consists of repetitive slow motion rebuilds and strengthens neural pathways in the brain. Forget your step aerobics. Be gentle, quiet, slow and easy. Your adrenal system cannot handle getting all "amped" up on adrenaline right now. You will still get your endorphine release, about 20 minutes into it.
6. Rest. Sleep. I don't care if you have to sell your dining room table to pay for a sitter to help you through this. You MUST SLEEP!! Sleep is restorative. Just like your babies brain is building new pathways, so, yours must! Sleep is how we do it. Find a way. Make your family and friends and sitter understand that you are not LAZY, you are SICK. And when we are sick, we need REST! (common knowledge). Just swallow your pride, release your control, and submit to the God-ordained treatment of rest. Find a way.
7. Talk about it. Don't be ashamed. Keep talking. Don't let the not-so-good friends who "wierd out" on you silence you. You will be a beacon of hope for another. And you will find more help for yourself. Words are healing. The people around you cannot be accountable for helping you if you never reveal your struggle. Share your heart and let them help you.
8. Pray. Seek God. Don't ever stop praying. Pray honestly. Pray fervently.
9. Journal your struggle so you can see your improvement. Even if it's a few descriptive words a day. Keep it up and before long, you will see that you are actually getting better. (even when you thought things were the same.) One really simple way I did this was to track my days on a big calendar in our kitchen. (for everyone to see) I would mark off my bad days with a big black "X" and my good days with a red "X". some days had half of a black "X" and half of a red one. Some days had only one quarter of the "X" colored differently. Then, when I would get to the end of the day, week, month, I would look back and see that there was hope if I could see more and more red "X"s on my calendar. I figured that if, for one moment of the day, it was possible to feel normal, then it was possible to feel good for a whole day, and then if for a day, a week, and so on... When I finally got to a whole month of red "x"s, my husband and I celebrated by standing in the middle of the kitchen, hugging and thanking Jesus. What a wonderful moment!
10. Don't give up! Right now, you are like the Israelite during their exodus from Egypt. You are trapped by the encroaching enemy and infinite walls of impossible sea on either side. Quitting means death. Real death. The only option you have right now is to keep moving forward in faith. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. God has intended that you are in this place and he has intended it's purpose and it's duration. He has promised to never leave you or forsake you. He is good for His word. You have to do this. Yes, It's worse than anything you've ever been through, and you don't know HOW you're going to keep on keeping on. But, just keep on clinging to God, one moment to the next moment, until you find that you will be taking stronger and stronger strides toward the banks of safety.
Here are a few things I found helpful when I was looking for help. (And, yup, you guessed it, learned these the hard way!)
1. Do: Go see your OB/GYN or Family Practice Doctor and get checked out.
2. I can not say this enough: GET YOUR BLOOD DRAWN. No matter what anyone tells you they THINK it is... REQUEST A BLOOD TEST! Depressive symptoms can stem from many different systems in your body. They can be rooted in the pituitary, the adrenal glands, the thyroid, it can be a big hormone drop (which can even be an ovarian problem). The point is, the problem is not always rooted in seritonin production levels. A comprehensive blood test can go a long way in finding the right treatment in a more timely fashion. (now remember I am speaking this to you as your girlfriend, not your professional. They did the time, they know best!)
3. You are going to be grasping at straws trying to find someone, anyone, who understands what you are going through. And sometimes, like me, you may find yourself trying to match up your story exactly to someone elses', or being scared to death by someone else's story. While there are tons of great books out there to help you learn and cope with PPD, the best thing you can do for yourself is to read God's word. Pour through the Psalms, Isaiah, Job, Jeremiah, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John. All of it is useful and true and good. Find your hope there. It's waiting for you.
5. Exercise. Walk. Swim. Stretch. Pilates. Gentle, exercise that consists of repetitive slow motion rebuilds and strengthens neural pathways in the brain. Forget your step aerobics. Be gentle, quiet, slow and easy. Your adrenal system cannot handle getting all "amped" up on adrenaline right now. You will still get your endorphine release, about 20 minutes into it.
6. Rest. Sleep. I don't care if you have to sell your dining room table to pay for a sitter to help you through this. You MUST SLEEP!! Sleep is restorative. Just like your babies brain is building new pathways, so, yours must! Sleep is how we do it. Find a way. Make your family and friends and sitter understand that you are not LAZY, you are SICK. And when we are sick, we need REST! (common knowledge). Just swallow your pride, release your control, and submit to the God-ordained treatment of rest. Find a way.
7. Talk about it. Don't be ashamed. Keep talking. Don't let the not-so-good friends who "wierd out" on you silence you. You will be a beacon of hope for another. And you will find more help for yourself. Words are healing. The people around you cannot be accountable for helping you if you never reveal your struggle. Share your heart and let them help you.
8. Pray. Seek God. Don't ever stop praying. Pray honestly. Pray fervently.
9. Journal your struggle so you can see your improvement. Even if it's a few descriptive words a day. Keep it up and before long, you will see that you are actually getting better. (even when you thought things were the same.) One really simple way I did this was to track my days on a big calendar in our kitchen. (for everyone to see) I would mark off my bad days with a big black "X" and my good days with a red "X". some days had half of a black "X" and half of a red one. Some days had only one quarter of the "X" colored differently. Then, when I would get to the end of the day, week, month, I would look back and see that there was hope if I could see more and more red "X"s on my calendar. I figured that if, for one moment of the day, it was possible to feel normal, then it was possible to feel good for a whole day, and then if for a day, a week, and so on... When I finally got to a whole month of red "x"s, my husband and I celebrated by standing in the middle of the kitchen, hugging and thanking Jesus. What a wonderful moment!
10. Don't give up! Right now, you are like the Israelite during their exodus from Egypt. You are trapped by the encroaching enemy and infinite walls of impossible sea on either side. Quitting means death. Real death. The only option you have right now is to keep moving forward in faith. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. God has intended that you are in this place and he has intended it's purpose and it's duration. He has promised to never leave you or forsake you. He is good for His word. You have to do this. Yes, It's worse than anything you've ever been through, and you don't know HOW you're going to keep on keeping on. But, just keep on clinging to God, one moment to the next moment, until you find that you will be taking stronger and stronger strides toward the banks of safety.
A Little Help?
What is the best thing you can do for your friend when they seem to be struggling with PPD or Depression? Answer: Be there!!! Just like with any other struggle: death, divorce, cancer, etc.. you are the friend. Your role is "FRIEND"!
Do not:
1. Wait until they are feeling better to visit or call.
2. Use 'concern' or "prayer requests" as a cover to gossip about your friends' hardship. (It will always, always return to her ears. No matter how discreet you try to be.)
3. Avoid talking about it with her. (She feels like it's written all over her forehead. You might as well 'Cowboy Up' and tackle the subject like a good friend.)
Here's what you CAN do to help.
1. CALL HER. Stop by to visit. Write her an encouraging note.
2. Pray for her. (Sincerely and discreetly)
3. Come over and HELP her out. Just hold the baby or sweep the floor or make her some tea.
4. Smile. Hug. Laugh. Cry.
5. Remind her of God's character. Remind her of God's love.
6. Make her family some meals.
7. JUST DO SOMETHING!
So many times women are scared off by other women who are encountering PPD or Depression. There is nothing to be scared of. These friends of yours that are struggling are the same people you called friends before this happened. Now it is your duty to prove you are a friend. Don't worry - you will have your own turn. We all face hardship. Different styles, but all hard.
Do not:
1. Wait until they are feeling better to visit or call.
2. Use 'concern' or "prayer requests" as a cover to gossip about your friends' hardship. (It will always, always return to her ears. No matter how discreet you try to be.)
3. Avoid talking about it with her. (She feels like it's written all over her forehead. You might as well 'Cowboy Up' and tackle the subject like a good friend.)
Here's what you CAN do to help.
1. CALL HER. Stop by to visit. Write her an encouraging note.
2. Pray for her. (Sincerely and discreetly)
3. Come over and HELP her out. Just hold the baby or sweep the floor or make her some tea.
4. Smile. Hug. Laugh. Cry.
5. Remind her of God's character. Remind her of God's love.
6. Make her family some meals.
7. JUST DO SOMETHING!
So many times women are scared off by other women who are encountering PPD or Depression. There is nothing to be scared of. These friends of yours that are struggling are the same people you called friends before this happened. Now it is your duty to prove you are a friend. Don't worry - you will have your own turn. We all face hardship. Different styles, but all hard.
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